yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
