At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
