Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
