Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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