at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
