even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
