Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
