I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
