This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
