Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
