i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
