she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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