considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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