so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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