There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
