i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
