Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
