also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize