theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I intend to get homeless drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
