omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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