Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
