New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
