Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
