Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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