Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
