I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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