i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you never un-have a 4some
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
