dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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