apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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