I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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