Sry I called you an 8
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
