if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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