i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
