i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
