There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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