these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These tits shall not be calmed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize