My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
zippers are such a cool invention
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
