I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
