you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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