fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
