This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
