totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
