i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
