____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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