totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
