Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
