too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
