Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
