things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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