he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
