u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
