last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
