I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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