I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
