is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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