Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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