he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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