it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
