Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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