I wannas sexs uuuuu
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
