omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
