watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
