I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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