Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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