Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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