Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
