so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize