The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
