when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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