Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
