she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have aggressive nipples.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
