I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
