your room smells of hookers.
And success
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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