i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
