talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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