the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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