I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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