I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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