No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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