fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
