I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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