we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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