I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
