You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
